Thursday, July 31, 2008

Lord Bonkers' Diary: Felicity Kendal's bottom

Wednesday

The morning’s newspapers foresee choppy economic seas ahead; we shall all have to tighten our belts, batten down the hatches and so forth. It makes me glad that I had the wisdom to lay down a good cellar of Stilton many years ago and also that I went in for this self-sufficiency business at the same time – one can only save so much by watering the Orphans’ gruel.

I was inspired by watching The Good Life on the moving television – that amusing programme starring the delightful Felicity Kendal. Catching sight of it upon my set once, Meadowcroft described her bottom as resembling “two mommets a-canoodling”.

Be that as it may, she inspired me to live entirely on the produce of the Bonkers Hall Estate: bread made from flour ground from our own wheat; fish caught by my trawlers on Rutland Water; pineapples from my hothouses; and so on.

Rather proud of my achievement, I once invited that well-known environmentalist Malachy Dromgoogle to visit. I showed him all around the Estate and he then asked “But is it sustainable?” “Well, it certainly sustains me,” I replied.

Now read on...


2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Pish tush! You feign membership in the cult of La Kendal, but you can't even spell her surname! Just think of Mint Cake if it helps.
I always preferred Penelope Keith myself. I know, it's a sickness and I need help, but ...

Jonathan said...

The posting has been subtly edited in the light of your comments.