Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Lord Bonkers' Diary: Call Nick Clegg

The latest issue of Liberator was waiting for me when I got home this evening, so it is time for us to spend a few days in the company of Rutland's most celebrated fictional peer.

Call Nick Clegg

My less far-flung readers will be familiar with Bonkers Hour on Radio Rutland. Each week members of the public telephone me with their questions on matters of current interest and I give my candid views. We encourage hard-hitting questions – though I, of course, reserve the right to evict tenants who get above themselves.

I have been telling Clegg for some time that the wireless is here to stay and that he should do something similar. So I am glad to learn that he is taking part in a programme of his own on a London radio station this very morning. I climb one of my follies with a receiver and a field telephone to join the fun.

Some fellow from Woking claims to have torn up his Liberal Democrat membership card. The fellow must be Mr Apollo himself as the things are printed on some form of laminated plastic these days and I can never tear it however sorely I am provoked. Then there is a question about some Spanish fellow called Juan Si that causes general hilarity. Should I know him?

Time to take part myself. I call the radio station and demand to be put on air at once. The conversation goes like this:

PRESENTER: Our next call is, er, Lord from Rutland.

ME: What this I hear about you supporting secret courts, man? Have you taken leave of your senses? What the devil is behind this ridiculous idea?

CLEGG: I can’t tell you that.

ME: Why not?

CLEGG: It’s a secret.

PRESENTER. Our next caller is Ron from Walthamstow…

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South-West, 1906-10.

1 comment:

Simon said...

When LB uses the word 'man' like this in conversation I know I'm meant to think of a blustering old codger or something - but in my mind it always comes out like Mad John from Ogden's Nutgone Flake.

You don't suppose they could be related do you?